Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Story Update Info Now In One Location

Due to the number of story blogs that I have I decided to create an update blog.  Yeah, I know it sounds redundant but in reality I hope to make things less confusing and time consuming for readers.  Instead of having to subscribe to umpty dozen different blogs you can subscribe to Mother Hen's Story Blogg at http://motherhensstorytime.blogspot.com/ and get all of the updates in one location.

There is also a full listing of all of the story blogs on the right hand side of the page and several different subscription choices ... email, readers, google, etc.  Near future during the editing and clean up process I also hope to put a contact link so that if readers have any questions I'll get a direct email.  For now a comment on the blog should get to me.  I'm also going to finally get on that blog that will house all of the recipes that appear in the stories in one location.  I hope to tag those so that you can search them by ingredients, cooking methods, etc.

As always thank you for all of your encouragement.  It is greatly appreciated.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Updates and Announcements

In the coming weeks there is will lots of updates to my story pages.  I've looked back at some of the blogs and they need major editing including updating the "story list" and other links.  To get the whole ball of wax started I'm posting Rain, Rain, Rain.  The story is complete but was badly in need of proof reading so it is going to take me a day or three to get all thirty-something chapters posted.  But for those that would like to read it I have it started at http://rainrainrainelizabella.blogspot.com/

In addition to the current story list on blogspot I'll be posting some other stories that haven't made it to the blog-o-shere yet.  Some have been posted in line, simply at other locations, and some have never seen the light of day outside my computer.  I'll also be finishing some that are "in progress" in various locations.

Sorry I've been away so long but I'm baaaack and plan on completing some much needed story time housekeeping.

Friday, March 16, 2012

EPILOGUE

EPILOGUE

When I was a slave I thought as a slave and coveted even the smallest things that I might call my own even going so far to try and hide their true value to me. One thing I coveted were the small scraps of books that were left from before the Dark Days. Often in my early life these scraps were only a few pages long, maybe a single page, most often just a piece of a page with a few faded words still legible upon them.

One of my most precious possessions is a scrap of paper that I found not too long after my parents died. It was the first item I collected to rebuild some sort of life for myself with and it had simply blown into my lap on the wind like it had been meant for me alone to find. Upon that scrap of paper is written these words:

Life is not always easy. And that is a major reason why it is so precious. Many of life's best rewards are possible only because you must work your way through difficult challenges to get to them. If everything in life were easy, there would be no opportunity for real fulfillment. If the only things you experienced were pleasure and comfort, it would be impossible for you to fully appreciate them. A life of total ease and a complete lack of challenge would be unbearably tedious. When the next challenge comes your way, when the next obstacle blocks your progress, find it in yourself to be thankful. For the difficulties provide you with truly magnificent opportunities to create value, to find meaning and fulfillment in living. The challenges enable you to give of yourself and to make a real difference. And that's something you desire at the deepest level. Life is not always easy. And because of that, you have the opportunity to make it truly great.

Even all these years later I still don’t know who wrote that piece, all I have are initials. R.M. I always thought that if my Gran had ever been educated she might have said something like those words. But she wasn’t; instead she went one better … she lived those words.

I’ve tried to live those words too though I’ve let life trip me up and have fallen short a time or two. Still, I don’t think I’ve done half bad. As I sit here in my chair and think on it there are a few things in this life I regret but I can also say there are fewer than there might have been had I not kept reminding myself over the years of those words and what they mean.

At the creak of the rocker I look over and see he’s finally settling for the night after reading a bedtime story of knights and maids all fair. He asks, “Glad to be home?”

I nodded. “Always.”

He nodded as well. “Me too.” A few moments later he says, “Festival was nice this year but I miss Uncle Rob.”

I pat his arm and remind him, “You know the heart just went out of him last year when Winnie passed. At least he stayed around long enough to see his first grandchild draw breath.”

A little curmudgeonly Cor mumbled, “The whole flaming territory has seen that child. If that boy crows any louder they’ll hear him clear across the ‘Cific.”

I had to laugh because honestly that wasn’t far from the truth. What I won't say is he was every bit as loud if not more so when our first was born. “I don’t know who was more surprised that he got up the courage to approach the Captain and Winnie about asking for Rachel’s hand … Topher or your uncle.”

Rocking quietly Cor admitted, “I have to admit, it was a sight funny to see a grown man nearing thirty dancing around like an idiot because he’d been given permission to call on that wild child. Funnier still when Uncle Rob told us how relieved he was he didn’t have to be the one to go to Topher and beg him to take Rachel off their hands. She’d scared off every other suitor that had come calling and more than a few that never actually made it to a first meeting.”

I smiled, “Strange how quiet and responsible she’s grown since she’s been blessed with the mother’s curse.”

“The what?” he asked.

I explained, “Winnie must have cursed her and told her she hoped she had one just like her.”

We both laughed at the idea and then laughed some more when we thought of our own brood. Four boys and four girls all living … and two little ones beside a third out in the family graveyard that I put flowers on every month so folks won’t forget them for I never will. If our brood ever gets around to having families we’ll have to think about rebuilding the cabins on the estate.

When I raised the idea once he was fiercely against it. “No I tell you. May what remains of all those blasted buildings rot to their foundations. I’ll not have what they stand for in our family. For each of us there is only one other and that’s the way it is and the way it’s mean to stay.”

“Easy Husband, you’re getting a wee bit cranky in your old age.”

Outraged he’d said, “I’m not getting old … and I’ll prove it to you.” I laughed remembering how he’d chased me all to the way to the top of the house and how we’d nearly been caught in the attic by our youngest who’d started to wonder if rats had gotten in somehow.

I found I’ve never needed the suggestions in that little book I found in Cor’s mother’s things so many years ago. Seems after we got through that first series of challenges the others that came behind it were easier to face and easier to come up with solutions for … including the “moods” he had … and my own as well.

No, life has not been easy. Life has caught us by surprise a few times. A few of my sisters never made it out of their second decade on earth. Accident, disease, childbirth … life … it happens to us all and all we can do is be as prepared as possible to face it when it does.

And Francine … poor Francine. Cor and I went to her funeral. I know it made some talk but there was once a sweet young girl that my husband loved and we went to mourn that memory as much as the senseless and tragic death of the woman she grew into. Her fantasies became such that she pretended a pregnancy and then birthed a doll. She carried that doll everywhere, treated as a real babe … more real than she had ever thought of the one she’d really birthed. Then there came a flood and the cabin that Francine kept to got caught as a nearby levy gave way. They got her out in time but when she realized her “baby” was still in the cabin she broke away from those caring for her and drowned trying to rescue it. There’s a lesson in there but it is so bitter that to try and put it in words would dilute its message.

Elder Lathrop didn’t live but three months beyond that incident and we again attended the funeral. Hazel pulled me to the side and told us how grateful the family was that we’d forgiven them and given them back some of their standing in the territory by openly showing up at the nearly back to back funerals. I hadn’t even thought of it like that but I suppose there was some forgiveness in there. Strange how a kindness grows bigger than you expect it to. Cor is still sensitive of speaking of that time in our lives but mostly I think it is because he doesn’t think people will understand. I’m pretty sure he is right. Sometimes the only way to really understand something is to live through it and then accept that the God that breathed the world to life knows what he’s doing and admit you'll never grasp the whys of some of it.

Cor and I may have had the hardest start of all my sisters but in some ways we’ve come away with some of the greatest blessings; or it feels that way most of the time.

And now that I'm free with my slave years far behind me I realize it isn't the things that you keep close to you that are of the greatest value but the things that you give away.

“Life is not always easy. And because of that, you have the opportunity to make it truly great.”

Cor and I say that to each other every day. And I know we both intend to continue living it until the Good Lord calls us home.


THE END

Chapter 64

Chapter 64

I just stood there staring until he asked, “Would it be all right if I came in?”

I peeled the cobwebs off of my brain and then by way of answering stood back so he could enter. He turned and then with a look at me, shut the door and after another quick glance my way, threw the latch.

My toes curled under my gown and I hadn’t the foggiest idea what to say. He slowly put the rocker in front of the fire and then like he wasn’t sure whether I would accept or decline he picked up a chair that had been against the wall and brought it forward and sat it beside the rocker. He looked around but then scrunched his eyebrows and said, “We’ll need to find a little table to … uh … I … er … well … I mean if … hmmm …”

His hesitancy finally broke my silence and I gave a small grin and shook my head. The was Cor, I knew the man, warts and all, and he was worried that I was going to pitch a fuss over a thing as simple as a table and he’d still risk the kick just to please me even if it embarrassed him. “It’s all right. We don’t have to have a table.”

He seemed to relax a little bit but then instead of sitting in the rocker as he normally would have he went around the room touching things. Stopping at the little table that held the pots and bottles he said, “This is ... I mean was ... my mother's room."

Startled I said, "Someone should have said. You should have said. I'll move. I really don’t mind being up in the …"

"No. I ... I just ..." He stopped at a loss for words. Then he started up with another strange statement. "The room through that connecting door,” he said pointing to the third door that I hadn’t opened. “It was my father's study. He ... uh ... slept in there most of the time. I ... I was ... thinking ..."

He fell silent again and I finally asked him, "What were you thinking?"

He was silent another moment and I could see he was channeling his emotions or mustering his courage. "Fel, if I move in that room, will you stay here ... in the house ... with me?"

I opened my mouth even though I didn't have the least idea what I was going to say. But I didn't have to come up with anything because Cor kept talking. "Please Fel, hear me out. I ... I know you don't have a lot of reason to listen to me by now, probably lost a lot of trust in me if you have any left at all. I'm just asking for a chance."

I just looked at him but he kept waiting for me to say something. Finally I sighed and told him, "I'm not stopping you. If you want to talk then talk."

He swallowed. Blew out a breath then began. "Back … back when … when the baby … died … I never should have said what I did. I didn’t mean for it to come out the way it did and I said it in the heat of the moment out of shock and hurt. I said it to you when I should have been saying it to Francine if I said it at all. I was half out of my head but that’s no excuse. I know I've messed up, probably to the point things will never be what they could have been. I'd ... I'd still like to try ... that is if you ... you don't ... I mean if you are willing."

My head felt suddenly full of air. I had to sit in the chair because I was so stunned by his words. It sounded like one of those fairy stories I used to read to my sisters. But the problem was my life had never been a fairy story and I knew it wasn't likely to start being one out of the blue. Then I had a thought. "Cor, if this is about you thinking you'll never be free to marry if I'm around so you’ve decided to make the best of it ... well … we can work something out. You don't have to sacrifice your honor or the coin from the estate. I can ... just fade away. No one has to know. They'll forget about me and ..."

He walked away from me and leaning on the fireplace mantle while looking into the fire’s depths asked, "What if I'll never forget about you?"

Still not sure what he was getting at and refusing to believe in the impossible I told him, "We've never really been man and wife, not really ... just on paper. Your conscience will be clean."

He shook his head forcefully. "No it won't. Not my conscience ... nor my heart."

That sure shut me up.

He finally seemed to find it in him to look me full in the face. "You told me once to fall in love again. Do you remember what I told you?"

Quietly I answered, "Yeah. You said you didn't want to."

He gave a self-derisive laugh. "More like I couldn't Fel. I was already in love ... with you. Only it's taken me forever to admit it ... to myself, to you. I ... I wasn't free to feel the way I did for you. I wasn’t free to do the things I wanted to do with you … to you. I came close so many times … all I would have had to do was reach out … touch …” He shook his head and slammed his fist onto the marble he was leaning on. “But I don't care what the council said, what anyone said ... I wasn't free. I had obligations of honor to the vows I spoke with Francine." He looked away again. "Then things got even more messed up ... the baby, Francine, coming to terms with what she did, my injuries, her leaving us ... I wasn't fit to try and make the decisions that needed to be made. I couldn't make sense of anything, much less understand why you were still here.” Breathing heavy he said, “God forgive me Fel but by the time we went to the festival I was eager for it to be over with. I was tired of making excuses for her, tired of making excuses for myself … tired of denying myself the one thing that I wanted that half way made any sense in my life. Then when I missed the dance I ... I was sure that I had lost you, that I had hurt you so badly on top of all the other times I had hurt you that … that ... I just kept waiting for you to find a good enough excuse to leave. I kept waiting for the pain of the idea of you leaving to carry me off. Then I thought maybe you were just waiting for me to leave so there wouldn't be a scene.” He swallowed then quietly added, “I knew you deserved your chance so I made up my mind that one way or the other you were going to get it."

He turned to me and I could tell he was confused. "But then you didn't want me to go on the run with Luke and you didn’t leave, not even after having a chance to go with your father's family. I ... I still don't understand that. The night after they left – when my rights I should have been mourning you leaving me forever – I was left grappling with what you had said. You had made a commitment. You said you wouldn’t abandone Corman but I couldn’t decide if you meant the estate, the people of the estate, both … or if you … possibly you could mean me.”

He started pacing. “My head was so full, and the memories in that other room where people expected me to live as if nothing had happened … gah! ... I couldn't sleep. It felt like my head was going to explode so I went for a walk. It felt like I was out for hours and then somehow I wound up at the cabin.” He stopped and got down on his knee beside the chair I was sitting in, “I can't sleep without you here Fel. God knows I shouldn't ask, but don't leave. Only … only there’s more ... I'm asking that ... God Fel … this is so hard."

His head was buried in his hands and I worried his hair wasn't long to stay there the way he was tugging on it.

"Stop doing yourself damage," I told him reaching out and untangling his fingers from his locks. I felt again that rightness that I had felt when I had given my Da’s family my answer. "I'll stay as long as you need me to. But no ... no make believe Cor. I don't need fairy stories and don't believe in them. I'll stay if you need me to and I'll stay for the people on the estate.” I brushed his hair with my fingers so it looked less like a rat’s nest and told him bracingly, “There now, it's obvious you are just out of sorts. If you want to sit in the rocker that's fine. If you want some companionship or warmth I reckon we can both fit there on the bed; either way neither one of us needs to take on so."

He wasn’t finished however. "But what about you Fel? What do you need? Just tell me. I'll do everything in my power to ..."

Feeling uncomfortable I told him, "Oh don't. Don’t take on so, it isn’t healthy. I like being needed I tell you. I don't want to cripple anyone by making them need me; just I like being needed is all. That’s all."

“But what do YOU need?” he persisted.

I could see he wasn't going to turn loose of the question so I sought an answer to satisfy him and found one that was surprisingly simple but honest. "I need a place and people I can belong to. And I already have that here. I will leave if that's what you need but I'll be honest and tell you that my druthers are to stay in some capacity."

His breath caught for a moment then he let it our slowly. Quietly he asked, "What if that capacity is as my wife, my real wife? Not ... not just a paper wife."

He'd left me speechless again.

Chapter 63

Chapter 63

“Do?” Cor asks. “You’ll hop in that bed and let Mrs. Wiley and the others spoil you for a bit so they can feel like they’ve taken part in your rescue.”

Raising one eyebrow at him despite it causing a small scratch on my forehead to sing out I asked him, “Rescue? Really?”

“Really,” he said trying to make it sound like something wonderful.

I sighed. “Just how bad is bad Cor? The cabin …”

He walked forward then clumsily reached and tugged me into a hug. I don’t know who was more startled, me or him for me letting him. “Uh … er … It … um …”

He sounded so much like he had when I’d first come to the estate that I relaxed and smiled. Pushing back so I could see his face I told him, “You still say uh, um, and er more than any man I’ve ever met.”

He started guiding me towards a bed that was fancier than any I had ever slept in. It had a real canopy and mosquito bar and bed curtains. In fact I was beginning to notice the whole room was a lot fancier than I was comfortable with but Cor wasn’t giving me any choice because when I slowed down he simply picked me up and carried me the rest of the way and then placed me on the bed. “Humor everyone Fel. It won’t cause your reputation irreparable harm to allow us to spoil you just this once. And tomorrow, rain or shine, I promise we’ll go look at the cabin together. Just give Jonah and I a chance to look things over properly so we can answer all of your questions.”

I was beginning to wonder if I even wanted those questions answered if it was as bad as he was obviously trying not to say so I nodded my acceptance. And apparently just in time too. There was a no-nonsense knock on the door and Mrs. Wiley marched in with a mug and a tray and after setting it down on the bedside table she said, “I expect both ter be clean before I get back. And mind yers, not a crumb left. Peoples are wanting ter know how yer be but I told ‘em they’re to wait til after yers have had a nip and a tuck in as yers hadn’t had a bite since suppertime. But they won’t wait much longer.”

Cor gave a small smile and whispered, “Told you.” Then he left the room hurriedly followed my Mrs. Wiley. That was the last bit of alone time I had for hours.

And hours.

Finally after a supper tray, that several of the village ladies stayed to oversee that I ate it all properly, was taken away I managed to escape any more visitors when Lollie declared that I needed to rest and that she was sure I’d be up for more visitors the next day. She told them if I rested properly I might even come down stairs for a bit.

I had reached my tolerance level for all the fuss and bother long ago but was too tired, sore, and … and appreciative … to complain more than mildly that none of it was necessary; that it certainly wasn’t necessary for them to come out in the rain and take time away from their own needful things.

No one listened. Most of the time that is how my life went anyway so I wasn’t sure why I should have been surprised. But the quiet that was left in their wake was a wonderful thing and I soaked it in. The Captain and Winnie coming to tell me goodnight was the only interruption and it was minor as they were both tired. The excitement of having such a ruckus going on had set Rachel off and then on top of it all the women insisted on holding her to “give Miss Winnie a break” which of course only added to her acting spoiled rotten which everyone but Winnie thought was just as cute as cute could be.

The problem was I had rested about all I could all day long and now though I was worn out sleep was elusive. I also wondered where Cor was. Topher had brought me things throughout the day saying, “Mister Cor said to be sure you got this.” Or “Mister Cor was just sending me to check to make sure you didn’t need anything.”

Of course that caused a bunch of twitters and knowing glances from my visitors and I could have just sunk into the floor boards. They were rewriting history again and it was awfully uncomfortable to be handed a script one line at a time and not knowing the direction the play was going to take. I kept wondering if I had been given the part of the fool but no one had the heart to tell me.

I got up and wandered quietly about the room noticing things to keep my mind off the fact that I had gotten used to Cor being around at night. There was a glass cabinet with books on recipes, herbs, poetry, and a few other titles. I opened the case and took out a pretty little book without a title or author on the cover that had made me curious but then I slammed it shut and put it back quickly with a blush and a gasp after seeing a few pictures that finally explained the cover page which had read “managing the many moods of your husband.”

With that rather discombobulating bit of surprise roaming around in my head I quickly went looking elsewhere for distraction. There were three doors off the room. Behind the first door was a rather ornate indoor outhouse with a large tub bolted to the floor in addition to a smoothly carved sitter – no splinters in the bottom for the one that used this room – and a real mirror that hung above an ornate porcelain wash stand. A towel rack hung conveniently on the wall and then there was a whole little cedar closet that held drying clothes that looked like they hadn’t been aired out in quite some time.

Back in the room I walked passed a poofy little high stool that was tucked under a small table that held old coloring pots full of dried powders and a few ornate perfume bottles. The top of the table obviously lifted open but after the incident with the book I was less easy in getting that much of my curiosity satisfied.

An open shelf held some delicate figurines and other useless objects several of which looked like they might have come from before the Dark Days. I shrugged and then opened the second door. This one led into a small room that was too dark to see in but when I felt around I realized it was the empty version of what Francine had called her clothes closet. There were racks and drawers in there meant to hold clothes, shoes, hats and underthings and after walking out I realized that was why I hadn’t seen a wardrobe or chest in the bedroom proper.

I shut that door and then debated whether to open the third door but decided against it. All I was doing was delaying the inevitable. There was no way Cor was going to come be with me tonight. He would come to the cabin – there was enough distance between it and his memories of Francine – but he wouldn’t do it here where her ghost still lingered. If I felt like she was looking over my shoulder and the woman was hardly dead, it would be next to impossible to expect him to not notice it. I’d just received a letter from Hazel telling me how Francine had started to revert to again believing that her time with Cor was just a half-remembered dream. She was still making Elder Lathrop’s life uncomfortable though as she kept trying to take her turn at her “wifely duties” never quite understanding why he kept saying maybe next time. But that wasn’t a problem I would touch with a ten foot tent pole; it was hard enough having Hazel give me the details that my imagination then took to the next level; no way was I going to involve myself further. Shudder.

I sighed and then bent to bank the fire in preparation of trying to sleep figuring maybe if I pretended hard enough eventually I really would. The house was dead silent and depressed me even more. At the cabin I could hear the outside world through the eaves and shudders, in this room I felt shut in and muffled from everything; uncomfortable in surroundings I didn’t think I belonged in.

I had just taken off a slipper when there was a quiet knock on the door. I turned and walked over and just before I reached it the door knob turned on its own and the door slowly opened to reveal Cor standing there with “his” rocking chair.

Chapter 62

Chapter 62

“Fel! Fel!! Can you hear me?! Don’t move, stay where you are! I’m coming to get you!!!”

-----

It had been raining for three days straight. Not a little bit of rain either but the kind that brings to mind stories of Noah and his boat. The gardens were drowning, streams and rivers were flooding, roofs were leaking. The animals were miserable and so were the people. It wasn’t the kind of rain the kids could go out and play in or that men could go out and work in and expect to get anything accomplished. For two days everyone was shut up in their living quarters trying to wait it out except for when they were feeding and otherwise tending to animals.

On the third day it got worse. A nasty bit of wind was added to the rain and people were forced out into the storm whether they wanted to go or not. Shingles had to be nailed back down. Items that were getting blown around had to be brought in or secured in some way. Chimneys had to be capped to keep the rain from coming down and into the house in rivulets. It was a right huge mess.

The first two nights of the rain Cor came to the cabin as usual. He was soaking wet but the look on his face that first night dared me to say a word so all I did was help him to hang his clothes in front of the fire then tried not to tell him off when he shivered half the night with a fever. The next night he came prepared wearing a poncho and with dry clothes in an oilcloth bag. But the day the wind arrived he was called away in an emergency near dinner time when a barn used to house some estate equipment collapsed on one side and I knew I wouldn’t be seeing him that evening. I stayed awake half the night wondering if the looby had taken a rain slicker. Being unable to sleep was the likely the only thing that saved me.

In the middle of the night the rain stopped but the wind increased dramatically. The whistling of it through the trees finally drew enough of my attention that I grew concerned. I got out of bed with the intention of going to the door to check to see just how bad it was and if I needed to move to the cellar when there was a mighty crack and my world went dark.

It was still dark, both figuratively and literally, when I heard him calling.

“Fel! Fel!! Can you hear me?! Don’t move, stay where you are! I’m coming to get you!!!”

“I … I think … I think I’m stuck!”

There was a moment of silence then an urgent, “Fel?! Are you hurt?!!”

From beneath what I found out was part of the cabin roof I told him, “I … don’t think so. But … but I *cough, cough* smell smoke. *cough*”

I heard a fury of snapping and breaking and then Jonah’s voice, “Is she still in there?

“She said she smelled smoke!” Then I heard some more noise and then Cor called, “Boy, stay out of the wa … what are you doing?! Get out of there!”

I must have blacked out for a moment because the next thing I remember was Topher saying, “The fire was starting to smolder Mister Cor. Some clothes got knocked into it. I can just barely see her, it’s as dark as the belly of a black cat in there. She’s under rafters over near the bed.”

“Not on the bed?” Cor asked urgently.

“Naw sir. Beside it, but on the floor.”

I didn’t hear anything after that for a while until I could hear Lollie ordering someone about with directions how to put me on a door and carry me to the house and to, for the love of God, not be so ham-fisted as to bump me around.

“I don’t need to be carried. I can walk.” I had meant for my voice to come out stronger than that but drawing a breath hurt more than it should have.

Cor snapped at someone about being careful and then leaned over me and said forcefully, “You’ll let yourself be carried and not make a fuss about it Mistress Fel. We’ve been half the night and the rest of the morning reaching you and you’ll give us the satisfaction of treating you as we see fit before we lose what bit of sanity we have left.”

I was wondering what he was overreacting for but then bobbled off into the dark again to the sound of Cor’s creative descriptions of what would happen to anyone that jostled the door again.

I finally came all the way awake when I felt my night clothes being taken from me. Lollie and Winnie held me still and Winnie said, “Easy Dear, we’re just getting you out of these wet things so Lollie can check your ribs. Now don’t fuss and let us do this quickly. Cor is on the other side of the screen and about ready to chew the paneling off the walls.”

Groggily I asked, “What’s all the fuss about?”

Cor must have been listening because he snapped, “Fuss? Fuss?! The flaming cabin fell on you that’s what the fuss is all about!! If you had been on the bed rather than beside it …” He sputtered to a stop, gobbling like a turkey.

I made a face then remembered he couldn’t see it. I sighed. “The wind started making some odd noise so I got up to … to …” Then what he said struck me and I yelped, “What do you mean the cabin fell on me?! What happened to the cabin?! Stop Lollie I need to get up … I need …”

That was too much for Cor’s equanimity. The screen was moved with a crash and before I knew it I was being wrapped up in a quilt and carried out of the parlor where I had been lying and up the stairs. As he pounded up the stairs in a royal snit he said, “You’re not going anywhere, not a dem place,” he growled. “You …” He stopped to clear his throat and I suspect that is when he realized he’d just seen me naked because he stumbled on the last stair before the landing; but then he shook himself and continued on.

“Jonah must have lost the last few hairs the top of his head could still lay claim to. Topher was driving us all mad with his frantic scrambling in and out of the rubble. We had most of the village tromping all over the yard and threatening to help if we didn’t hurry up and get you out in one piece.”

He’d been progressively holding me tighter and tighter until I finally had to tell him, “Let me go or finish squeezing me to death will you … this inbetween stage is starting to get downright uncomfortable.”

“Huh?”

Lollie and Winnie who had followed him up said, “You’re holding her too tight, let the girl breath for heaven’s sake.”

“Oh! Wait … did I hurt you? Here let me loo … uh …”

I patted his shoulder and told him. “I’ll take it from here. You’d better go tell everyone I’m fine before they start tromping through the house and giving Mrs. Wiley palpitations. And then come back and tell me what’s wrong with the cabin and what I’ll need to do to fix it,” I ordered.

He opened his mouth to say something but I caught Winnie shake her head. “What?” I asked.

“We’ll talk about it later Dear.”

“Oh no we won’t. We’ll talk about it right now. I … OUCH!”

I would have continued but Lollie had decided the best way to deal with me was to start poking and prodding and discovering every bruise I had on my body. By the time she was finished I was exhausted but still determined to find out what was going on. They had left thinking I was too weak to get out of bed but they were wrong. I was trying to rig some clothes for myself when Cor knocked quietly then entered with a bundle under his arms.

“They don’t know you very well do they?” he asked.

I wrapped the blanket around myself tighter and said, “Apparently not.”

He shook his head and said, “I brought your clothes. Uh … I’ll step out or … if … uh … I can just turn my back.”

I sighed. “Turn you back … and no peeking. If you go out they’ll just wonder what I’m up to. And remember I said no peeking.”

He slowly turned his back and I heard him mutter where I wasn’t supposed to hear him, “Stop saying it and I wouldn’t be tempted to.”

His words should have caught my attention but they didn’t because the only clothes he had brought me was another night gown and a wad of my underthings. “Hey!”

“I know Fel, I know,” he said. “But Lollie says your ribs are bruised. And to be honest it isn’t worth you going down there right now. It is starting to rain again and … and it is a mess. We’re getting out what we can but we have to be careful not to bring the walls down.”

That brought me up short and as I finished dressing and tapped him on the shoulder I asked quietly, “Just how bad is it?”

Turning slowly he said, “Bad. It’s … it’s repairable but it is going to take some time. A tree washed out near your creek and when the wind got into the top that was already heavier than usual from all the rain, it just toppled.” He got upset and finally choked out, “One of the main ceiling beams came down right on the bed. If you’d been in it …”

I saw he was really upset and told him bracingly, “Well I wasn’t.”

“Almost,” he said.

“Almost only counts in horseshoes and …”

He finished, “… and fire pots. Yeah. But you could have been …”

“But I wasn’t.”

“But you could have been.”

I shook my head, “But I wasn’t so just stop worrying it to pieces. And neither were you so unless you want me to make a fuss about that just let it go.” I turned away to look out the window of the bedroom I was in and saw that it was raining just as he’d said. I leaned my head on the glass pane and asked myself more than him, “Now what am I going to do?”

Chapter 61

Chapter 61

The man I was staring at in horror put the little girl down and told her to go get her brother. All I could do was just stand there and force myself to remember how to breathe. A boy who would have been about Georgie’s age came jogging up and I started seeing spots. Georgie had had the exact same shaped ears and the same snub nose.

I did not like the buzzing that had begun in my head and I stepped back. “No. You ... you can't be. I buried you. You and Ma and Georgie and Gran. I buried you. I ...”

I took yet another step backwards and jumped when I ran into something that shouldn’t have been there. Turning I see what it was I found a man a bit older than the first that somehow looks even more like Da than the other apparition did. Not only is my head buzzing but now I’m seeing spots in front of my eyes and I can feel myself sliding to the ground. I would have gone all the way but the older man tries to grab me bringing out my survival instincts. I evade his hold but rather than be upset as I expected, my move elicits a strange response.

The second man looks at the first and says, “By God, she got out of that the same way Dred would have ... the exact move.”

I froze. My Da’s proper name was Dredward the same way mine was Felicia only most knew him by Dred. Snarling, falling back to my harshest Outlander feelings of self-preservation, I demand, “What do you know of my Da?!”

The Captain came forward and gently said, “Easy Fel. Do you remember long ago when I questioned you about where your father came from?”

Thinking back but only having a vague recollection of it I said, “I suppose.”

He took a step closer and then got between me and the men. “Well, I’ve had occasion to deal with the territory of Dover on occasion over the years – it lies a bit northeast from here – and found it extremely strange that you would know of the place. They aren’t what you would call friendly to strangers.

The older of the two men smiled and said, “Now now Rob, you’re being a bit harsh don’t ya think? We haven’t skinned a stranger in years.”

The young boy said, “Oh Uncle George, don’t say that, you’re gonna scare her.”

His father said, “She doesn’t look scared to me. A little too familiar with that Green River she’s fingering the hilt of if you want to know the truth.”

When I continued to just stare at the two of them the older man asked, “Aren’t you the least bit interested in finding out who we are?”

I snorted, “I figure you’ll eventually get around to telling me. Men are like that.”

A young woman I hadn’t seen stepped from behind some horses and started laughing. “Wow, you are just like Aunt Felicia, look like her too. Mother tells us stories of when they were all younger together and I I bet she was just like you. Mother said she was the terror of all the boys in the village.”

It took a bit of time for me to calm down but when Winnie came out and put her arm around me and said, “These are your family Dear … your father’s people” all I could do was stare.

The older of the two men was George McConnell, the eldest brother. There was an older sister and she was the one named Aunt Felicia. Then there was another sister named Sarah who was married and traveling with her husband while they surveyed some land far to the north. Then came my Da in line. The youngest was the man that had first startled me and his name was Winston … though he said, “I freely give you leave to call me Uncle Win as the only person that called me Winston was my mother and only when she was less than pleased about something.”

George said, “Which was most of the time.” A bellowing laugh followed that pronouncement though “Uncle Win” didn’t seem to mind and in fact seemed to relish the idea.

The young woman was George’s daughter and her name was June. She is the one that explained, “Everyone gets named after someone. There are a lot of Felicia’s in the family as you’ve no doubt realized. I’m named after mother’s side of the family. She said there was no way she was going to add yet another Felicia to the village roster.”

Still stunned by the idea that I had a family … a blood one … I said quietly as we sat on the porch eating snacks that Mrs. Wiley supplied, “I had a little brother. We called him Georgie.”

The older man looked choked up at the idea. “Dred and I … we … we didn’t part on the best of terms. I sided with father, tried to force him into working the surveyor teams when all he really wanted to do was make blades and the like. Can’t believe he’d … he’d name a son …”

I told the older man what my Da had told me. “Da said there once was a little boy who got stuck in a tree. His brother went up the tree but when he got there all he did was tell him how to climb down by himself. He cried for his brother to take him down but the older brother refused and insisted that the young boy do it himself. He said ‘Fel, I was that little boy and my brother George is the one that taught me how to climb down that tree. When I asked him why he said because he might not be around next time and he didn’t want to see me get hurt. He didn’t just teach me to climb down a tree that day, he set my feet on a different path, one of not having to rely on others to get me out of scrapes I would get into.’” I smiled at the memory for a moment then finished by telling him, “He went on to tell me that’s one of the reasons he taught me all the things he did, that he didn’t want me to rely on folks that might not always be there.”

Uncle George’s eyes were suspiciously bright and he lost his voice for a bit. June asked me, “What else did your father tell you?”

“Oh this and that.” I repeated a few of the stories that I’d grown up hearing and my relatives would add bits and pieces that I’d never known about.

After one such story I told them “He’d tell me tales but sometimes the stories made him sad. He didn’t regret finding his own life but he regretted having to leave his family behind to do it.”

Uncle Win nodded and said, “Dred always had a mind of his own.” He sighed. “Rob told us … how Dred died. Do you think you are up to telling us yourself?”

So I did and somehow, while it hurt as it always did, this time it was like Da was there with me and giving me the strength to share what had to be told.”

Cor had followed me back from the spring but he stayed to the side of the crowd of people on the porch, letting me handle how much I wanted to get to know my family although he insisted on telling how I’d fought in the battle … even saying he was proud of all that I had accomplished then and on the estate when he wasn’t around. It surprised me when he said it and something began ticking that I had thought had stopped for the last time. He was also honest about how I’d been treated unfairly and that he was sorry for the misunderstanding that had put me in the position I was in.

Towards the evening Uncle George said, “Well, if there was any doubt in the beginning there’s now none. You’re definitely a McConnell, the daughter of my brother we thought lost to us forever. And even though he no longer walks this earth, you’re still here and I want you to know as I’m sure the rest of the family does, that you have a place with us and a free to come live with us should that be your choice.”

I was stunned. I’d never given serious thought to finding my father’s family. To me they were simply a legend, ground in truth but forever out of my reach. And then when I least expect it they show up … and then not only that do they accept me, they tell me I have a place with them. It was a lot to take in. It was overwhelming. I wasn’t sure what to say … and then suddenly, as if my Da was whispering in my ear, I did.

With as much dignity as I could muster I told them all, “I would like to visit one day but for now what I want isn't as important as what I’ve committed to here. You tell me my father was always one to do things his way and if nothing else I have always been my father’s daughter." To no one and everyone I said, “My place is here. I won't abandon Corman.” In my mind I thought, let them make of that what they will.

While many people seemed disappointed and a couple seemed stunned my Uncle George smiled and said, “I’ll hold you to that visit now … an one or more of us may just be back around before you know it to bring our sister who is not going to be willing to believe it until she sees for herself the face of her namesake. As a matter of fact, though we’ll need to be back on the road tomorrow to meet up with the convoy we are traveling with, I’d like June to sketch you out so we can take your likeness with us.”

My family and I talked late into the night and then while I’d only just found out about their existence it was a wrench to watch them leave the next day.

Winnie asked me as they rode away, “Are you sure Fel? It isn’t too late.”

I shook my head. “No. My Da told plenty of stories of his family and he did love and miss them but the reason he left is because they were forever trying to order his life for him. He wasn’t a person to take to that. To be himself he had to leave and roam far away from their influence. And while I know I like these people who are my Da’s family, they were already telling me what I’d do if I came to live with them, how my life would be ordered and how I would fit in.” I shook my head again. “I reckon I’ve got enough meddlesome people around here. I don’t need to go find more that are even worse.”

She’s hugged my neck and seemed to understand what I wasn’t saying. Mrs. Wiley and Jonah beamed and I had to peel Topher off of me so that he wouldn’t be late for his chores. “Yers not leaving me!” he said happily.

“Of course not,” I replied. “I’ve still got enough to teach you that should keep you busy for quite a while yet. And when I do go to visit, assuming you want to, you can come with me and we’ll both see a bit more of the world.”

That seemed to satisfy him and he left with a kick in his heels that cause the mule he was riding to give me a disgruntled look as if to say, “Did you need to wind him up quite this much?”

The rest of the day people kept coming by like they couldn’t believe I was still around. They kept getting underfoot but for some reason I didn’t mind. It was nice to know that people were happy I’d chosen to stay. But after the late hour the night before and the excitement of trying to get on with my life during the day, I was ready to go see my pillow as soon as dinner was done. As tired as I was thought there was still much to do before I could seek my rest.

I washed a basin of underthings and hung them to dry by in the corner of the room. I washed my hair because it had gotten full of prickles when I’d had to dig a nest of kittens out of a clump of bushes to save them from a snake that had gone in after them. Then a few more things here and there and before I knew it, the hour was much later than I had meant to be up and about.

I had drawn down my covers and had just put my foot on my bed stool when there was a knock at the cabin door. Thinking that the only thing that would bring someone to my door at such a late hour was an emergency I ran over and opened the door without looking first.

It was Cor and he was standing there looking like a lost pup. I didn’t know what to say and just stood there in shock looking at him. Finally he mumbled, "I ... I can't sleep."

Blinking in surprise I told him, “I wouldn't be able to sleep standing out in the damp and chill either.”

He continued to just stand there looking lost, neither going nor coming. Finally I took his hand and drew him in. He continued to seem like he was only half in this world so I led him to the rocker by the fire where he finally sat. I sat in the chair and stared at the fire with him. Finally I’m beyond wondering and turn to ask him what he’s doing here only he is asleep.

All I can do is cover him with the bear skin so he won’t catch a fever and go climb into my own bed. In no time I was asleep as well but right before dawn I waken to the feel of him laying the bear skin back over me and then creeping from the cabin quietly.

I wasn’t sure what to make of his night time visit. I would have asked but I didn’t see him at all that day. I thought perhaps he was avoiding me until Jonah mentioned that he’d gone to inspect the roof on one of the grain silos at the rice production facility. He didn’t even make it back for dinner so I decided to let it go. He’d seemed half asleep and I thought perhaps he was now ashamed of what he’d done.

But I was no sooner ready for bed than there was a familiar knock at the cabin door. This time I opened it with more caution but that only seemed to make him stand there even longer and say even less. Again I took his hand and he came willingly enough and sat in the rocker. As soon as he was there he seemed to ease and then go to sleep. All I could do was shake my head at his strange behavior.

This continued for a week and I began to suspect that Cor was simply trying to replicate the normalcy we’d once managed to create. I decided if it brought him comfort and made him feel closer to Francine somehow that who was I to stop him. He did seem like he was more relaxed as the days passed, even Winnie remarked upon it, wondering what he was doing that was different. I certainly wasn’t about to enlighten her.

At the end of the week I expected him to go back to sleeping at his house but I have to admit it was nice to be reminded of the old days when we were more at ease in each other’s company. I refused to hope for much more than that. Perhaps it is helping him to come to terms with Francine’s loss.

But I got the biggest shock of my life when I was listlessly getting ready for bed on the eighth night when there was the familiar knock on the door. I was so surprised I almost didn’t answer it. But then I heard the scratch of his boots on the grit just outside the door and I ran over and threw it open.

This time he came in on his own but wandered around a bit before settling into the rocker. I sat in the chair beside him but time stretched and he didn’t go to sleep. Finally I found the courage to ask him, “Cor, why?”

Quietly he asked, “Does it bother you that I prefer it here?”

Honestly I tell him, “No. But you can't be resting well sitting up in that rocker. “

He just looks at me so I shrug and go to bed as always but then he gets up from the rocker, banks the fire and comes to stand by the edge of the bed. I move over and he silently climbs in and it was like it was before. He lies there stiffly for a moment and then slides into sleep but he always slips away before dawn.

I’m not sure what to make of it. Every night he comes. In fact tonight he didn’t even make a pretense of roaming around the room. I twisted my foot when the stool I’d been balancing on to reach a new braid of onions had tipped from in under me. Tonight he came earlier than he normally did and silently insisted on soaking my food and then wrapping it in a long cloth. Then he carried me to the bed without me asking and climbed in beside me. He was hardly stiff at all and then with a great sigh was asleep.

I wonder. Does he do this for me or for himself or is it something else entirely? If I could be sure he wouldn’t suddenly change again I think I could relax as easily as he has begun to. We still don’t talk much about anything except estate matters but he’s begun to ask me what I think of some plans he has for the future. Tonight he did the strangest thing of all. After we had settled in the bed he reached over and pulled my braid above the covers. I have no idea why. It was such a strange and simple thing but I don’t want to read more into it than what is there.